Wedding Invitations and Etiquette

A “to do” list for your wedding…some of the information comes from professional etiquette guides and other information comes from what I've learned through the years. If you want to pull this day off the proper way, keep reading.

Invitation Challenges
If you don't want children at your wedding, you have two options:

  • When addressing your invitations, leave the children's names off it and also don't mention them in the invitation.
  • Have friends and family pass the word around that you don't want children there.
How many people know or understand etiquette.
In some cases, you have to cut straight to the chase and say what you mean. We suggest adding one of these phrases to the bottom of your reply card:

  • Adult Reception
  • We hope that the (insert number here) of you will be able to join us
  • (number of) seats have been reserved in your names
If someone hasn't responded to your invitation one week past the 'Reply by' date, call him or her and confirm over the phone.
  • Children over the age of 16 get their own invitations.
  • Your church official and their better half get an invitation
  • Send your parents and wedding party invitations, as a keepsake. They don't have to reply.
  • You have to put return postage on your RSVP's.
Wedding Gifts
  • It is considered rude to put 'cash only gifts', or other wording meaning the same thing on the invitation.
  • You're not supposed to put registry information on your wedding invitation. It's left up to friends and family to inform everyone. However, you can put gift information on an insert in your bridal shower invitations. If you have a personal wedding website with info for bridal party and guests (and gift registry info), you can include an insert with the link to your website in your wedding invitation.
  • You're not required to open your gifts at the reception or in front of anyone.
If You Cancel or Postpone the Wedding
  • You're supposed to return the engagement ring
  • You have to send back all the gifts with a brief explanation why it was cancelled. (So don't use anything until you say, 'I do'.) If a gift is engraved or personalized, you don't have to return it.
  • Don't speak poorly of your ex because somewhere down the line you might get back together.
  • You should inform out-of-town guests first so that they can change or cancel their travel and lodging arrangements.
  • If you're postponing your wedding, every guest has to be contacted. Etiquette pros say that you have to send another invitation with the new date.
When It’s the Bride’s Second Marriage
  • If you've been married before or have children, it's perfectly acceptable to wear white.
  • If you've been married before or have children you're not supposed to wear a veil or have a train attached to your dress or carry orange blossoms.
  • The second time around, your parents are not obligated to pay for anything.
  • If you get along with your ex-husband and his family and it's fine with your fiancé, then it's acceptable to invite them to the wedding.
Organizing the Reception Seating Plan
  • Don't seat battling relatives together.
  • So that everyone has a good time, seat teens together, aunts and uncles together, etc. Try seating groups either by their relationship to you or by their ages.
  • As for the head table, the rule has changed so often that there isn't one anymore. You and your better half can sit at a raised table with your wedding party below you. You can have your own table with a table on either side of you with your wedding party. You and your spouse in the middle of a long table with men on one side and women on the other, or boy, girl, boy, girl.
  • Parents and grandparents at the table or not, it's up to you. Stick to table numbers.
Now, have a good time and congratulations…

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