So you have some free time and want to “connect” with your spouse. Here are four suggestions to keep that “spark alive”…
- Go to the putt-putt golf course as a family activity. Wives, under no circumstances, do you suggest going to the golf course.
- Park your car at the end of the airport parking or go to the airport observation deck and sit close to one another in the outdoors. Just quietly relax, watching planes come and go. Men like any machine that moves (planes, trains, automobiles, boats).
- If your kids are staying with friends for the evening, go to a nice hotel overnight. Enjoy a nice dinner in the hotel restaurant or order room service. When my wife and I have stayed at a hotel overnight, I always offer to make up the bed the next morning. (It’s the thought that counts, isn’t it?)
- Visit a stationery storea and read/exchange interesting greeting cards standing near one another. There are some humorous cards in circulation. While you are looking at cards, purchase the cards you need for upcoming birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
Did you “connect” with your spouse?
Mike McCann
Posted by: Michael McCann
in Fun romance on Oct 14, 2009
Whether striving for “status,” wanting to be known for your “family values,” someone who is “fun, loving and carefree,” or any number of other stereotypes, people will judge you be the car you routinely drive. Husbands are acutely aware of cars and the “personality” each car conveys.
Men like muscle and power, women like protection and relationships. How do you bring these often opposing goals to fit into one vehicle? Answer: compromise and conversation.
Husbands want to please their wives…a real man wants his wife to be constantly enriching herself and happy. As a wife, you need to seriously consider how you can have the vehicle you want and keep harmony with your muscle, power-hungry husband.
Mike McCann
Husbands (and wives) love to get short, to the point messages from their “better half” during the day. Electronic messages that a spouse sends periodically tells the other “I am thinking about you and do not want to disturb you.”
Well-timed electronic messaging communicates that you “know my spouse is busy doing what they need to do before seeing the family.” Here are two ways to put a silent smile on the spouse’s face during the day:
- send a short email to the spouse about two hours after they have begun the workday. Your spouse has probably checked their email from the night before and is involved in other activities when your email arrives in their inbox. Timing an email arrival this way takes the pressure off your spouse first thing in the morning and gives them momentum toward mid-day.
- send another email, or preferably call your spouse’s cell phone, mid-afternoon. Your spouse will appreciate a “pick-me-up” call – giving your spouse a boost toward leaving for home to see you and the kids.
Guaranteed to give a lift to every day with the family…
Mike McCann
We all know the stereotypes: Husbands riding in the front of the vehicle while the wives are riding in the back. I call this the “bridge club arrangement” (two/two setup).
The Bridge Club arrangement is fine if you observe some ground rules:
- for much of the travel, conversation should be geared for all four adults to participate in and voice volume should be adjusted so all four individuals can easily hear what everyone else is saying and,
- an individual starting a conversation thread should be reasonably certain that there is enough time to finish the topic before reaching the destination.
I have been in the front and the back seat of vehicles where I could not possibly hear the person carrying on the conversation over street noise, loud radio or the speaker directing their voice into the front windshield. You communicate with humans, not glass windshields.
When you are conversing in a vehicle, it is your responsibility to be sure that everyone in the car can easily hear and understand what you are saying. Please do not make husbands (or wives) work to hear and understand you…they will quickly lose interest in what you say and think you do not care about them participating in the conversation.
Mike McCann
Notice how short and to the point this headline is? Knowing when to be quiet and when to be “lively,” will take you far with your husband.
Often, when husbands and wives are together, the husband is wondering if his wife will sense his (the husband’s) mood for conversation. Your husband’s conversation mood, ladies, can change quickly so I emphasize with you on trying to figure out your husband because, admittedly, it is challenging.
One moment a wife can think she has figured out her husband’s moods and desires and the next minute that can all change. As a man, I have no explanation. It is just one of the beauties of nature.
Wives, when you want to have a conversation with your husband, try a simple direct question like, “Is this a good time to talk, dear?” or “Are you in the mood to talk about (plug in your topic)?” Men like simplicity and directness.
Mike McCann
Wives, I am going to say an oft-heard statement here that you likely will not believe a man is admitting: Husbands, as a whole, are lousy listeners!
When asked the one characteristic where men really fail in marriages, Jay Leno agrees that men are poor listeners. Tie your husband’s poor listening in with sequential thinking (the way a husband hears another person speaking and puts pieces of a conversation together) and you, as his wife, have to carefully plan when you are going to bring up controversial or delicate issues in conversation.
If you “spring” major news or information on your husband before getting him ready to soak in your message, he will tune you out. When you have important news or a delicate subject to discuss with your husband, make sure the location is conducive to calm, relaxed conversation when you bring up your topic. A nice hotel lobby, an upscale deli at lunch or other nice environment presents your best opportunity for you to actually c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e delicate and controversial topics with your husband. If you introduce difficult topics to your husband before “setting the stage” properly, he will likely ask, “When is lunch?” And, tune all the conversation after that – out!
Set your stage and communicate.
Mike McCann
Wives – you are great at deductive thinking. Men are not (as a rule).
Wives, when you are communicating with your husband, you have to “fill-in” the blanks with the details you are aware of and verbalize areas where details are unknown to you now. Leave room for your husband to ask you for more details if he shows interest at the beginning. For example, you have talked about going on errands before going to lunch on Saturday…
- Here is a common opening by a wife: “Honey, I am ready to go when you are.” Your husband is going to have this quizzical look on his face, “Where do you want to go first and are you completely prepared to leave home?”
- Try this: “Honey, I will turn off the ceiling fans and open the garage door. Do you have the ads for the paint special and coupon for lunch or do you want me to get those now?”
See the difference in the two bullet points? If only wives will fill-in the blanks with details when speaking with their husbands, marriage would be a smoother ride…
Try this approach and watch “your man” relax…
Mike McCann
Wives, I am going to give you a piece of advice that, if you implement, will stop your husband in his tracks and cause him to sit up and pay attention to what you say:
Get to the point in your conversation quickly and stop talking.
I understand that wives love to “relate” and verbalize their emotional sides to anyone nearby who will listen…especially their husband. Operating in this manner, though, will almost permanently “turn-off” your husband’s listening mechanism.
Instead, take it from me…a husband. Here is how you can get your husband to listen to what you say on a consistent basis:
Say less and say it up front.
Hard, I realize. Try saying less with all your important points in the first two sentences and watch your husband sit up and listen.
Mike McCann
Over the marriage years, husbands and wives just naturally accumulate pet names for each other that evoke emotions when heard. I have many names for Ann, my wife, that have started innocently one year and became accepted vocabulary in our house the next year. Ann and I have been married for 24 years, so I have built up a long list of pseudo names for my wife and vice versa. The fun begins when I forget where I am and I utter one of these nicknames in public. Several years ago, I was speaking before an association audience and my wife was in the audience. During the question and answer session, an audience member asked me to introduce my wife (innocent enough).
When I asked Ann to stand to introduce her, my mind went blank… I could not remember her given name because I always address her by a loving nickname that was not appropriate to say in public. The pause in my wife’s introduction was obvious and embarrassing to the two of us. Now, I quietly recite Ann’s given name several times before appearing in public to avoid this mishap again. Mike McCann
We have all been thankful for – at times – that other people could not read our thoughts…thoughts such as “I get sick every time I see you!” or “You’ve really gained weight since the last time we met!” This insensitive person should lock these thoughts away quickly in the silence of their own mind. The tactless spouse seems compelled to say exactly such things as these aloud, even when there can be absolutely nothing to gain by such brutal frankness.
Of all the qualities that endear us to our spouse, few would be greater than tact. If there is no tact, there will be little friendship in the world and your marital relationship will revert to stone-age crudeness. Tact in marriage means quick awareness of the feelings of your spouse, and consideration for them. There is only one flaw in this human attribute, the possibility of insincerity. We do not know where we stand with one who diplomatically tells us only what he (your husband) thinks we would like to hear, instead of giving us a frank, straightforward answer.
On the other hand, the tactless husband causes nothing but distress. The motive of real tact is kindness.
Mike McCann
