Husbands (and wives) love to get short, to the point messages from their “better half” during the day. Electronic messages that a spouse sends periodically tells the other “I am thinking about you and do not want to disturb you.”
Well-timed electronic messaging communicates that you “know my spouse is busy doing what they need to do before seeing the family.” Here are two ways to put a silent smile on the spouse’s face during the day:
- send a short email to the spouse about two hours after they have begun the workday. Your spouse has probably checked their email from the night before and is involved in other activities when your email arrives in their inbox. Timing an email arrival this way takes the pressure off your spouse first thing in the morning and gives them momentum toward mid-day.
- send another email, or preferably call your spouse’s cell phone, mid-afternoon. Your spouse will appreciate a “pick-me-up” call – giving your spouse a boost toward leaving for home to see you and the kids.
Guaranteed to give a lift to every day with the family…
Mike McCann
We all know the stereotypes: Husbands riding in the front of the vehicle while the wives are riding in the back. I call this the “bridge club arrangement” (two/two setup).
The Bridge Club arrangement is fine if you observe some ground rules:
- for much of the travel, conversation should be geared for all four adults to participate in and voice volume should be adjusted so all four individuals can easily hear what everyone else is saying and,
- an individual starting a conversation thread should be reasonably certain that there is enough time to finish the topic before reaching the destination.
I have been in the front and the back seat of vehicles where I could not possibly hear the person carrying on the conversation over street noise, loud radio or the speaker directing their voice into the front windshield. You communicate with humans, not glass windshields.
When you are conversing in a vehicle, it is your responsibility to be sure that everyone in the car can easily hear and understand what you are saying. Please do not make husbands (or wives) work to hear and understand you…they will quickly lose interest in what you say and think you do not care about them participating in the conversation.
Mike McCann
Notice how short and to the point this headline is? Knowing when to be quiet and when to be “lively,” will take you far with your husband.
Often, when husbands and wives are together, the husband is wondering if his wife will sense his (the husband’s) mood for conversation. Your husband’s conversation mood, ladies, can change quickly so I emphasize with you on trying to figure out your husband because, admittedly, it is challenging.
One moment a wife can think she has figured out her husband’s moods and desires and the next minute that can all change. As a man, I have no explanation. It is just one of the beauties of nature.
Wives, when you want to have a conversation with your husband, try a simple direct question like, “Is this a good time to talk, dear?” or “Are you in the mood to talk about (plug in your topic)?” Men like simplicity and directness.
Mike McCann
Wives, I am going to say an oft-heard statement here that you likely will not believe a man is admitting: Husbands, as a whole, are lousy listeners!
When asked the one characteristic where men really fail in marriages, Jay Leno agrees that men are poor listeners. Tie your husband’s poor listening in with sequential thinking (the way a husband hears another person speaking and puts pieces of a conversation together) and you, as his wife, have to carefully plan when you are going to bring up controversial or delicate issues in conversation.
If you “spring” major news or information on your husband before getting him ready to soak in your message, he will tune you out. When you have important news or a delicate subject to discuss with your husband, make sure the location is conducive to calm, relaxed conversation when you bring up your topic. A nice hotel lobby, an upscale deli at lunch or other nice environment presents your best opportunity for you to actually c-o-m-m-u-n-i-c-a-t-e delicate and controversial topics with your husband. If you introduce difficult topics to your husband before “setting the stage” properly, he will likely ask, “When is lunch?” And, tune all the conversation after that – out!
Set your stage and communicate.
Mike McCann
Wives – you are great at deductive thinking. Men are not (as a rule).
Wives, when you are communicating with your husband, you have to “fill-in” the blanks with the details you are aware of and verbalize areas where details are unknown to you now. Leave room for your husband to ask you for more details if he shows interest at the beginning. For example, you have talked about going on errands before going to lunch on Saturday…
- Here is a common opening by a wife: “Honey, I am ready to go when you are.” Your husband is going to have this quizzical look on his face, “Where do you want to go first and are you completely prepared to leave home?”
- Try this: “Honey, I will turn off the ceiling fans and open the garage door. Do you have the ads for the paint special and coupon for lunch or do you want me to get those now?”
See the difference in the two bullet points? If only wives will fill-in the blanks with details when speaking with their husbands, marriage would be a smoother ride…
Try this approach and watch “your man” relax…
Mike McCann
Wives, I am going to give you a piece of advice that, if you implement, will stop your husband in his tracks and cause him to sit up and pay attention to what you say:
Get to the point in your conversation quickly and stop talking.
I understand that wives love to “relate” and verbalize their emotional sides to anyone nearby who will listen…especially their husband. Operating in this manner, though, will almost permanently “turn-off” your husband’s listening mechanism.
Instead, take it from me…a husband. Here is how you can get your husband to listen to what you say on a consistent basis:
Say less and say it up front.
Hard, I realize. Try saying less with all your important points in the first two sentences and watch your husband sit up and listen.
Mike McCann
We have all been thankful for – at times – that other people could not read our thoughts…thoughts such as “I get sick every time I see you!” or “You’ve really gained weight since the last time we met!” This insensitive person should lock these thoughts away quickly in the silence of their own mind. The tactless spouse seems compelled to say exactly such things as these aloud, even when there can be absolutely nothing to gain by such brutal frankness.
Of all the qualities that endear us to our spouse, few would be greater than tact. If there is no tact, there will be little friendship in the world and your marital relationship will revert to stone-age crudeness. Tact in marriage means quick awareness of the feelings of your spouse, and consideration for them. There is only one flaw in this human attribute, the possibility of insincerity. We do not know where we stand with one who diplomatically tells us only what he (your husband) thinks we would like to hear, instead of giving us a frank, straightforward answer.
On the other hand, the tactless husband causes nothing but distress. The motive of real tact is kindness.
Mike McCann
According to a recent interview on Focus on the Family, many marriage therapists in America are recommending couples watch pornographic movies together to improve intimacy in their relationship. In my personal opinion, I believe this practice is not healthy.
Men and women are “wired” different…problems often arise because many men and women are not aware of the other gender’s “wiring.” Here is a brief look at the man’s perspective when it comes to delving into pornography:
- When a man begins to look at pictures of women in compromising positions and attire, a sexual sensation begins to trigger in the man’s brain…just the way a man is wired.
- Observing pornography is addictive and often becomes progressively and the desire for more lewd content increases (reason men will move beyond “men” magazines to the Internet to strip clubs to abuse of wives…).
- If a man does not break off this addictive pornographic direction, his relationship with his wife (or serious relationship) will eventually take on an abusive nature.
- Result: the man looks upon his wife (or serious relationship) as an object to be used and left behind until the next time sexual stimulation is desired on the part of the man. Obviously, this direction does not engender intimacy with a mate.
These points are a very brief look at the progression of pornography on the man’s psyche. Best bet: run from any contact with pornography and find activities you and your significant other can do together to build intimacy in your relationship.
Clean, fun activities you and your significant other can do together can include:
- go on a picnic together (bring the kids, too),
- rent a Christian movie to watch at home (pop some popcorn because men (and women) love to cuddle up with the one they love and food).
- walk around the neighborhood slowly and just “talk” with one another.
- Go to dinner with another couple and come back to your house for after-dinner drinks and cards. One of your older children can watch both couple’s kids while the four of you are at dinner.
Use your imagination to create clean and fun activities to build your relationship foundation stronger.
Keep building…
Mike McCann
Into every marriage, a little rain will fall (seldom, I hope). Here are nine “sins” a husband commits when he is insensitive to his wife:
- Being overly critical – Diplomatic truth is appreciated. Insensitive criticism is not. If you need to point out a negative, be sure to temper your remarks with compliments.
- Man’s job is important – Just don’t make this fact too obvious husbands. We all have to pay the bills and maintain balance in our lives. To a man, his career is often numero uno in his mind because this is the sole way most husbands “fulfill” their manly obligations to wife and kids…material provision. There is more to provision than just material matters.
- Cheating on your spouse – No explanation needed.
- Losing “that look” – You had when the two of you were engaged. Husbands owe it to their wives to make an attempt to stay close to a healthy weight and make an attempt to look nice (shaven, clean-cut, appropriate clothing) when in public.
- Not being relaxed around his wife – We all have life’s pressures and husbands need to “chill” during those high-pressure moments when around loved ones. Practice patience and temperance.
- Being controlling – Husbands need to find an inner security and not always try and control, or micro-manage, what his wife and kids are always doing. Husbands, you like to get away to do “men things.” So, too, do your wife and kids like to get away and be with like people.
- Judgmental – Be careful about judging your wife’s friends and family. While it’s true you, as a husband, may not like some people your wife chooses to spend her time with, allow associations (as long as they are not destructive in nature).
- Showing lack of interest in your wife – Once you are married, life just begins. Ideally, your interest in your wife should build as your marriage matures. The two of you build a life together, the two of you build associations together, you get the idea. Keep that “spark alive” when in private for a happy life…
- Not having time for your wife – Husbands, we are all burning the candle at three ends. Marriage involves a man AND a woman together. You don’t have to be doing anything spectacular, just be together with your spouse for the opportunity to talk and share.
While this list of nine ideas probably will not be on Oprah, these ideas are time-proven toward building a successful relationship for a happy marriage…
Mike McCann
Voice Are your voice tones and voice volumes speaking volumes?
Have you heard someone say to you, “It is not what you say; it is how you say it.” A simple phrase, “Nice outfit,” with the right sarcastic inflection, could demoralize someone’s self-concept for an entire evening. Voice volumes have to do with how loudly something is said. “I’m ready to go!” said loudly may be intimidating, but spoken in a moderate voice volume it would simply be sharing useful information.
Voice tones and volumes can interact. Loud volume and sarcastic tone – such as Steve Martin’s, “Well, excuse me!” – can be funny; said softly in your ear at a party, the same words have a completely different meaning spoken in another context.
It sometimes seems that we save the worst tones of voice for the ones we love. We speak to husbands or children in tones and volumes that we would never use with a stranger on the street. What channel are your broadcasting on? Do the voice tones and volumes you use get through to your husband the way you would like?
Mike
